Why I do biking

I've never been able to put to words why I do biking.

I've never considered biking much different than other things I've done in my life.

It's all coming to some sort of a weave as I get older.  And seems to be sorting itself out, getting clearer to me.

I've always looked for patterns in experiences.

When I view my life from the inside out it is pretty hard to see patterns with any semblance of confidence in what I see.

I like to feel secure, safe, in reasonable control, able to think on my feet to keep from harm. That leads to distorted thinking, rationalizing disorganization, hiding from the fact that it is all leading to loss, disorientation, a lessening of sensation.

So, while I was listening to a particularly poignant cd on the drive home tonight some words came out of a good, warm and tearful place.

I do biking (lovemaking, moving into the lives of those around me, taking a stand for my values, fathering, grandfathering, teaching, learning, taking the helm just when the storm is most violent and threatening) because it brings me to a sensation of living at the edge of my capacity to perceive.

It's thrilling. It's not a reckless abandon into pointless risk-taking.

And when you've earned it ... you own it. You are fully alive and knowing how it can vanish in an instant.

Y'a gotta do something with your life.