existential note

Ever since I was a young teenager I wanted to know what it was like to be at the "end" of things.  Hurry up!  How does it end?!!

This translated to a lot of `starting up' to be able to get to the `end' sooner. 

Though I'm in my mid 60's I don't have a sense of personal mortality.  Not even a hint.  I still see the times of TdF racers and say to myself: "When I retire I'll have more time to train.  I can beat that time!"

In a `rational' universe that statement makes as much sense as what I said on a recent long 144 mile training ride.  Stopping off at a country firehouse I asked the fire fighters: "You guys got any water?"

Looking, though, at the numbers I realize that I've probably got fewer years ahead of me than behind me. 

And that gives me some pause:  I now realize that the `end' of things presages nothing more than the `repetition' of things. 

In a weird way that is reassuring.