LOST AND FOUND

I received an email recently from an ultracycist listserv recognizing the indoor training achievements of a few DF’rs this winter. The author joked about the need to stock up on “Chamois Buttr.”

I was recently watching vids of ultra DF’rs scrunched up over their bikes, backs aching, feet screaming with pain, necks about to crack in half, hands and wrists numb and limp from nerve damage, shoulders drooped and folded like leaves from a dead plant.

And I am ashamed to be a hypocrite. For the first 63 years of my cycling life I rode DFs. And for last 25 years of riding the DF I spent at least half my energy and effort struggling against the pain, not struggling to improve my fun or performance.

These last 2.5 years I have had no pain. I spend NO energy and effort struggling against the pain. NOW I put that energy and effort into improving my performance, enjoying the ride, excited about what I feel inside of me and see around me.

Why did I spend so much of my life in diligent pursuit of suffering on the DF?!!

Because I wanted to be liked by my buddies on DFs.

Thoughtless.

Pure and unadulterated desire to be accepted.

Blind and ignorant to what my poor body was trying to communicate to my dumb mind.

Rushing with the crowd toward the edge of the cliff.
------

Now? I have no more `Chamois Buttr.’ 

I now ride to be fast, to go long, and to be my best in performance, NOT my best in capacity for self-inflicted pain.

Slow learner. But … at least I got the message before I lost interest or died!