How many times does it take me to learn this?

Although my life's work and my profession has been in the `helping' professions I keep having to learn the difference between my public self and my private self.  RADICALLY different. 

I can be very, very social, sociable and, in most cases, even likable.  It's sort of like being born tall, or with brown eyes, or with a birthmark.  Not something I had to work at: it just is. 

At the job I fit in and am often considered a valued member of the group, team, or, in my current incarnation, Professional Practice.  It's damned hard work, too.  My desire to `help' and make things better is genuine and meaningful to me.  But at the end of the day I'm pretty emptied out.  Maybe not physically, but certainly emotionally.  I have barely enough `social' energy to pet the friggin' dog.  I'm not mean, but I am mute!

In my personal, or private, life I'm quite different.  I'm not in the `helping' mode.  I'm just an average citizen.  In fact, there is a part of me that wants to keep a civil distance from all but close family.  My natural temperament.  I'm sort of uncomfortable in social situations.  Strange, isn't it.  Contradictory.  But pretty common among the species. 

Now, how does this relate to cycling?  In past experience it has gotten me mixed up and confused. 

I cycle to achieve and accomplish difficult things.  It's pretty serious with me, if not actually grave.  I show up to race and/or endure and finish.  Pretty two dimensional.  Not much of a social thing.  In fact, I don't and have never felt like I `fit in.'  Proof of that is that I don't even `try' to fit in.  I sort of put my social skills in a nice little box and leave them there.  And leave them there.  Did I say `leave them there?!' 

When another cyclist says something with which I disagree I typically don't respond (anymore).  I've learned that most of the cyclists I've known aren't interested in questions, they're anxious to opine, offer their one-and-true conclusions.  If I question, or even disagree, it becomes a basis for more emotional arguing or dismissal.  Social coexistence requires being brain dead. 

In the recent few months I initiated some intended dialogue about bicycle design and performance on a few bike email discussion lists.  In some cases there was civil dialogue.  In most, however, there was crude ridicule, baseless dismissal, and insult.  My initial response was to assume that I just didn't `say' it right, so I attempted to be deliberately delicate and tactful, complimentary of responders, and ... just tried to get my point across with fewer big words, (uncomfortable) humility, etc....  It went nowhere.  More ridicule, more soapboxing. 

When someone is not rational, has no evidence to support their argument, uncivil, caustic or even hostile I've had two responses: fight or withdraw. Sometimes I've recognized the futility and I'd just withdraw. Other times I'd get really pissed off and let them have it right back ... in spades!

The fighting has always gotten me gummed up with self-reproach, asking myself: "Now why did you have to rip them up like that?!" (I have learned exquisite surgical verbal dismemberment skills.) So, I hope I've learned this better this time.

I hope I now recognize what I've not learned many times in the past:  don't talk to a wall expecting the wall to dialogue. 

Don't expect much.  Be surprised and happy to get more when it occurs.   Really, that's a better description of my personality dynamic and temperament.

It's actually going to be easier and more fun for me to do cycling. I can show up for the race, be civil and a good `neighbor,' do the race and go home.

Admittedly, I'm inclined to express my (precious) hurt feelings and resentment by wanting to beat my competition.  Productive outlet.

What a difference

Looking at my Garmin data I noted that on the same date last year (2010) I rode on the indoor trainer for 5 hours and 18 minutes.  It was a `loping' training session as the performance goal (RAW 2010) was long distance endurance and not speed. 

This year I'm finding it soooooo depressing to spend hours on the indoor trainer.  Though, when I do get on the bike I'm pushing intensity and not loping.  Different performance goals this year.  Some well informed sports trainers say that short intensity is better than long loping.  I partially accept this because there is just no way to know what your body will do after 12+ hours of racing -- unless you do it in training.  I don't think you can train short and expect to race long. 

I decided to `trick' myself into finding ways to put in more time on the indoor trainer.  I take my Garmin 705 unit off the bike mount and situate it near different training machines.  Since, of course, it is meaningless to measure `miles' when training indoors I'm only measuring heart rate. 

Today I started out on the Concept 2 rowing machine for 30 minutes, moved over to the Sole elliptical for another 30 minutes, and finished off on the recumbent bike LeMond Revolution wind/flywheel trainer.  Looking at my heart rate data there is a steady rise in BPM from the rower, to the elliptical to the bike.  Which is the way I like it.

I have a Racermate CompuTrainer but I haven't put it to much use this year.  The advantage I would have with the CompuTrainer is that I could measure watts on the bike.   But last year was quite a pain in the tail with the C'trainer for two reasons. 

First, it requires a rear wheel to be pressed down on a electromagnetic load generator.  At least once a week I'd blow a tire and tube in the midst of a full-on power session.  There is nothing more frustrating than having to interrupt an intense training session to change a tire.  It is especially problematic when there are other demands on my time, e.g., work, family, sleep, etc....  Most times I'd just end the training session and change the tire later. 

Second, the C'trainer requires attaching several electric cords and power sensors to the bike.  This takes time.  Another problem I had last year along these lines was when I wanted to take the bike for weekend outdoor training sessions.  I'd have to undo all the cords and connections only to put them all back on the bike for weekday indoor training. 

Frustrating

Winter months keep me stuck indoors.  Can't keep much of a consistent training program when it is all grim suffering on the indoor equipment.  Even snow-shoeing requires getting in the truck and driving miles and miles to a `forest preserve.' 

I used not to mind putting on 10 - 15 lbs in the winter because, as a casual cyclist, I could count on taking it all off by May or June.  As a competitive cyclist I need to be race ready by March.  City winters retard fitness and performance capability.

These last few months in Chicago ... are very, very frustrating.

It's Official

Mother nature set an historical February record for snowfall in Chicago. 

Snowing now. 

Two days of February to go.

That is, if you don't count the Pleistocene.  A gaggle of millenia ago I'd be tapping this out under a mile thick of ice. 

Grim choice

Even though I've long ago reached my psychological limit of indoor training this year it looks like I'll be pushing that limit as far back as the national debt.  The plan was, over the next three days, to load up the bike in the pickup and drive the 90 mile round trip west to Burlington, IL, and do 3 hours of outdoor training. 

Two to three inches of snow fell last night. Temperature in the high 20's. Steady winds of 10 - 15 mph. Flat, prairie expanses easily double the predicted `steady winds' to double the force. Thirty percent possibility of more snow or freezing sleet/rain.

I've got the bike all `wintered' up with packs of tools, extra clothing, lights, etc.  I've got my winter clothing gear carefully selected to withstand zero windchill and wind.  I've got the 15 or 20 chemical foot and hand warmers. I've got the liquids and solid food stashed and ready. 

But, though it appeals to my heart ("get the hell out of the friggin' basement!") it doesn't pass the "effective training" test in my head.  Not to mention the 6+ hours I'd spend commuting over three days, the gas, money and tolls I'd waste in driving close to 300 miles of round trips, or the additional 3+ hours I'd waste getting dressed and undressed, the sopping wet clothes washed and dried again for the next day's training.  And then there is the virtual abandonment of my wife and family. I'm not even gonna think about what would happen if I had a mechanical problem on the bike! 

So, for the next three days I'll be spending 9am to noon pushing watts on the indoor trainer in the basement.

Another point: some people consider it `training' when they pedal their bike indoors while watching TV or a DVD movie.  That's not training.  That's exercise. 

When I train I watch (when I open my eyes) nothing but the heart rate and the clock, with goals for each.  In otherwords, my indoor training is not mitigated by a deflating distraction.  It is just grim grim grim business.  It's a chance to think too much (analysis) or to recognize how little I think for such a long time (dissociation). 

Here's how I rationalize this: one only knows real pleasure when one has grim pain against which to compare it.  (If you think too long and hard on that idea it could get us into a whale of trouble!)

Drafting in a race of solo cyclists = NOT a race!

This past weekend there was a bike race that did not involve teams in Sebring, Florida.  In otherwords, the only racers were solo racers. 

There were several race events and formats.  There was a 12 hour race that allowed drafting and two 24 hour race events.  One 24 hour race allowed cyclists to draft one another, the other did not. 

Solo Racing:

It is an oxymoron to do a solo race and then allow the racers to draft behind one another.  It is not a race.  It's a group ride. 

In this race there was an intentional plan by some to form a group to make it easier for the racers.  As stated by one of the group: "We'll have several ladies tucked into this pack so we will be accommodating (sic) the ladies."

First, what's the point?!!  If it is a solo race the first person behind the lead racer gets a 15% reduction in wind resistance.  And the percentage reduction of wind resistance can increase for each person drafting behind the other. 

I remember being in a group of about 20 riders 2 or 3 wide and 10 deep.  I was about 5 rows back and I sat up in the saddle, stopped pedaling and took my hands off the handlebars.  I was being sucked along at 24 miles per hour while carrying on a very casual chat with the rider beside me. 

Solo racers drafting one another eliminates any `racing.'  Instead, what you have is a group ride.  . 

Some may argue that if every racer shares taking the lead and every racer shares being tucked into a pack for precisely the same amount of time it will all work in the end.  Bad argument.  It's impossible to `time' such actions.  There is no way to assure compliance.  And sometimes the paceline/pack is heading into the wind, sometimes it has a tailwind.  Sometimes the racers are riding uphill; sometimes downhill.

Perhaps race organizers that perpetuate this myth benefit from increased attendance and turnout. 

But solo racers drafting one another are not `racing.'  Any conclusion that persons crossing the finish line represents relevant ranking of skill, stamina or performance is a falsehood. 

Second, wasn't it somewhat condescending for a group of guys to `accomodate' the female racers?

Teams:

Team racing is an entirely different thing.  Strategy and tactic must be implemented to take advantage of myriad factors in a race.

Local Training Routes - Northern Illinois

Though I live in the thick of Chicago I typically drive about 60 miles northwest to the rural farmland roads to put on the miles without many intersections and very little traffic.  All the routes have a start and end point at Burlington, IL. 

Below I'm posting DeLorme Distance pics of my typical training routes.  Sadly, because it is Illinois there are literally no climbing routes.  But the open prairie makes for some significant winds.  Whatever the weather service predicts for wind I simply double it  (Confirmed by Paul Carpenter.)

This is my 14.5 mile route.  Sleepy, smooth roads with nothing but right turns, allowing me to not have to navigate crossing roads. 

This is my 25 mile route.  I have to ride for about 3 miles on a fairly heavily traveled road (Burlington Road) but the rest of the roads are smooth and very, very safe.  

This is my 35 mile route. 
A few busy roads I have to cross but otherwise populated with cows and hay wagons. 

And this is the 36.22 mile route. 

It is the most dangerous of the four because I spend about a total of 10 miles on fairly heavily travelled roads.  I don't use it often because of that reason.

Should I train outdoors today?

-16.8F degrees in my training course in Burlington, IL with a windchill of -17F.  If I were to ride in this temp at 15 mph it would be -39F degrees.  Indoor training today.

Bummer

I've had to cancel participation in the February 19th Bike Sebring 24 hour RAAM Qualifying race.  A family obligation that cannot be rescheduled has come up.  I'm less bummed that I won't be at Sebring and more bummed that I will miss the chance to ride `outside' in February. 

As I type this there is 20 inches of snow outside and the temp is around 18F.   Certainly `riding' in this weather would be a challenge.  But it would be a wasteful and inefficient use of training time and energy.  Back to the grim dark cellar to push watts and time.