Wednesday, February 24, 2010

POWERFUL NEW TRAINING TIP THAT WILL MAKE YOU FASTER, STRONGER, BETTER LOOKING, IMPROVE YOUR DANCING AND ENHANCE YOUR SEXUAL PROWESS!!!

The next time you train with the brain box (a bag that attaches to the back of the carbon fiber hard shell seat) make sure that it is slung low behind you so that it makes contact with the rear wheel, thus generating resistance that cannot be otherwise accounted for.  

The mystifying rubbing and dragging of the rear tire on the bottom of the brain box will humble you to such an extent that you will either be terribly better or terribly worse for it. 

Sunday I made some changes on the bike just because I'm `itching' for the warm weather (6 weeks and counting, at least). I switched out the front big (55 tooth) ring for a Shimano Dura Ace 56, I lowered the carbon hard shell seat so that it is `way low' ( I haven't got a clue as to how to measure the angle and I hated my geometry teacher, so there!).

Sunday I decided to do an indoor century. I'm crankin' away and finding it much, much harder to pedal. Then I'm smelling something burning. I get off the bike, look around to see what may be burning in my basement.  Nothing.  Then I tried to remember what I had for dinner the night before (methane emissions from an escape valve situated on my backside).  I looked at the bike to see if that was the source of the smell.  Then I realized it: because I reclined the angle of the seat the brain box was sagging on the rear tire ... a `whole lot.' I put my Camelbak 100 oz bladder in the brain box and that seemed to be just enough weight to cause it to sag on the tire.

I got an old tire tube and lashed the bottom of the brain box to my head rest. Got on the bike and pedaled.

Surprise!!! My watts jumped 25% and my HR was about the same.

  • Now I know why I was getting flat tires indoors.
  • Now I know why my watts were dismally low no matter what I was doing.
  • Now I know why it took me 5 years to get through high school!!
Oh! And an added benefit, of course: this STUNNING NEW TRAINING TIP will improve your sex life.  (Not really, but I'm trying to be funny ... and not just embarassed for being so stupid).

I went on to complete a 100 mile indoor training session in very good time and with very good power.  At the end I felt strong, steady and FINALLY like the training is beginning to have the desired effect. 

- d