Today was the first day in more than 3 weeks that I've been outdoors on the bike. A series of things that interferred and/or took priority.
I'm struck at the literal sadness I feel leaving the patients constituting my private practice. My sense of admiration and respect for others has literally blossomed over the past decade. Perhaps that is one of the dividends of living through one's own troubles; so that it increases empathy towards others' with their own troubles.
At the same time, there is that phenomenon referred to as `compassion fatigue.' When the `helper' finds that he is too ready to step in and do the hard work that the `helpee' needs to do in order to build stamina and resilience ... it is time to take a break.
I was taking a `power nap' at my granddaughter's birthday party yesterday and was awakened by her giving me a hasty little kiss on the cheek. Then she ran off with half a dozen of her little birthday friends screaming like the happy and fortunate little children they are. Are all little children exploding with joy in the present moment of one another's mischievous presence? That giggly little peck on the cheek seemed to sum up my grattitude to be alive now.
Do people much younger than me experience the warm fulfillment that I feel in my family? My wife, sons, grandchildren, daughters-in-law? I've never felt this before. Is it time, experience? Age?
Perhaps my experiences at this point in my life are tangible proof that one can screw things up, make stupid decisions, behave with blind impulsivity ... and still be graced with simple satisfaction in the love of others. I believe it. But I find it hard to `accept.' Pinch myself awake.
Oh! And it was warm and sunny today when I rode my bike.
Dan, I enjoy reading your blog and have been interested in your take on the RWD and FWD MBB. I'm not a racer, but am considering trying a Silvio. My typical ride is in a hilly suburban area and I'm hopeful that the Silvio will help three things over my current highracer: (1) exert some upper body energy (some may view this as a negative, but would be a positive since I'm out for exercise), (2) increased climbing ability and (3) gain a slightly less extreme seat recling to bottom bracket ratio (while still having two "big" wheels) as I'm often starting and stopping. Although I haven't ridden a Cruzbike, it seems that the FWD MBB is unique in its potential to help in those three areas. Keep the blog going and I look forward to hearing about the Vendetta when it comes.
ReplyDeleteJackson