I'm learning - painfully - how difficult it is to maintain a semblance of balance in one's life while doing what it takes to train for an overwhelmingly challenging athletic event like RAW. (At least I hope I'm `learning.')
Love, work and play. And in that order of priority. These are the three things that I try to `balance.' Training fits into the `play' category.
I miss spending more time with my wife. Part of that is due to the fact that she works 9-5 five days a week and I work 2-10pm four days a week. I used to get up in the morning in time to have coffee and chat for a few minutes before she is off. But, lately, my work sees me staying later than 10pm and my training demands that I get sleep. So, at least two mornings of the four days I work I wind up missing her before she goes off to the job.
My sons and grandkids. I don't know that they would want me around much more, anyway, because they lead very busy lives. But ... there are the weekends when I feel bad that I'm off training or so wiped out afterwords that I'm emotionally `checked out.' That also applies to my life with my wife. On weekends I enjoy our time together but ... a lot of it is spent with me stuck to a chair or the couch, recuperating.
Work. I have a need to be `sharp!!' for my clients. As a private practice psychologists I need to be able to listen well, be energetic and resourceful for them. If I'm not doing that I feel that it is both unethical and harmful to them. Actually, I probably place more priority to this aspect of my life than I credit myself. I do not allow myself to be `asleep at the wheel.' I read the literature, prepare and implement solid treatment plans, am alert and emotionally at the 99th percentile with them. I love this work. I know that I couldn't do it otherwise.
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Lately I've found that I have become impatient and even harsh in some of my social interactions, i.e., not with family or clients. This is probably where my tension and stress gets expressed. I don't like that.
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Having so many demands that I place on myself ... it really is like walking a tightrope. I'm finding that I am ratcheting up the `discipline' part of work. That is, doing the pre- and post-session paperwork as immediately as I can so that it doesn't pile up and make me feel even more unbalanced. I'm finding that I'm more reckless and less patient in other areas in my life because there is an underlying sense of anger and frustration with where I'm at. That is, I'm `scared' that I won't train enough and my fear turns to impatient panic.
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So you probably thought that this was all about the bike, eh? Nope. I think that this is why I like big challenges. They scare me and keep me motivated to constantly redefine myself. Sometimes I'm not sure if this is a good thing or just running away from something.
